


his hands shake (worry through the night)

by edmvre (doomdxys)



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Episode 4.03, Episode Tag, Fluff, M/M, jon's hands shake when he's nervous don't @ me, possibly canon divergent on accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 12:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19151152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomdxys/pseuds/edmvre
Summary: Jon’s hands shake worse than Edd’s teeth shatter. He can’t remember when they started to — likely when he dragged Edd into the courtyard, both their legs like jelly for different reasons.(Jon and Edd, the night after Edd returns, on the verge of hypothermia and a bad joke still on his tongue)





	his hands shake (worry through the night)

Jon isn’t sure when his hands start shaking.

Probably after the sun sets — maybe before. He recalls the horn blowing, the gate opening, Edd barely keeping Grenn standing. There’s still a shiver that goes down his spine whenever he thinks of the way Edd felt against his side, too skinny and a tangible exhaustion in the cold seeping from his clothes. He didn’t shake then, as Edd quipped about his eye color and everything seems right for five seconds.

Maybe he shook as he told Thorne about his lie, in anger; in desperation as he heard Edd’s teeth shatter several feet away from him, the man looking smaller than usual. but it’s nerves — sheer nerves in the present as he walks up the stairs to where he saw them carry Edd off to earlier, Thorne already nagging at his side, making him unable to join Edd instantly.

They shake like the boards on the window, opposite of him in the corridor, clattering in the wind of the open door. The doorknob doesn’t stabilize him, the soft snoring seeping through the ill-isolated inner walls doesn’t stabilize him. It’s all background noise to something he hasn’t yet confirmed; puzzle pieces he can’t put together without sight.

He double-knocks on accident, the soft knock turning into two as his fingers refuse to stop shaking. His breath gets stuck in his throat as he waits for an answer, scared he won’t hear it if he breathes out. There’s no answer for several seconds and Jon pushes open the door slowly. He can’t help the slight cringe as the door creaks loudly on its hinges, protesting at the agonizingly slow way Jon pushes in.

“Edd?” More silence follows and Jon closes the door behind him, quicker this time. if Edd wasn’t going to awaken at the door creaking as it opened, he likely won’t at the door closing.

Edd looks thin — painfully so, with bruises strewn across his lower arms that stick out under the furs from where he shifted in his sleep. Jon is glad for the beard, covering up the true hollowness of edd’s cheeks. His lips still tinge blue under the stubborn brown hairs; hypothermia had never been far gone.

The mattress flattens almost entirely as he sits down on the side of the bed, cautiously avoiding Edd’s body and trying to not disturb the furs. The hand feels cold in both of his, too cold despite the soft heartbeat against his skin where he touches Edd’s wrist. “oh, Edd—” he sighs, more than he says and the name goes lost in a joust of wind.

 

.     .     .

 

Jon wakes and Edd smiles at him, both of them out of it. He can’t remember when he fell asleep, or why he falls asleep again, his arm moving to hug Edd through the furs on the bed.

 

.     .     .

 

The sun is still down and his hands still shake when he wakes up the second time, Edd asleep in his arms. He can’t recall crawling under the furs; the way they barely cover his back hinting that it’s all Edd’s tired handywork. Edd who stirs in his arms the second Jon pulls on the furs to cover himself more.

“Stop moving—” Edd’s breathing is hot against his neck, eyes now open and face tilted at Jon’s chin. He shifts away from Jon to look at him better. “—and shaking.”

Jon smiles the way he always does — mouth open, a gentle confusion joy in his eyes — when he looks down at Edd, trying to stop his hand from shaking by running his fingers across Edd’s beard. The kiss feels utterly delayed, Edd’s lips soft and warm. There’s nothing of the suspected cold Jon braced for, just gentleness, something they’ve missed for months.

Edd pushes himself upwards without breaking the kiss and Jon can’t help but moan softly at the extra pressure, his lips parting eagerly. He can hear Edd’s laugh as they part, barely able to swallow a disappointed whine.

“Really?”

He merely shrugs as an answer, choosing to nip softly at Edd’s bottom lip instead, pressing gentle kisses against the bruises scattered across Edd’s jawline. (His hands still shake as he undoes laces on Edd’s shirt.)

 

**_.     .     ._ **

 

His fingers draw circles on Edd’s back, uneven. They still shake every time he lifts them from skin — he suspects they might never stop shaking at this point. The sun is a soft red, far below the bottom of the only window in the room but it casts a glow that keeps them both awake.

“How’s Grenn?” Edd asks after a long silence, words slurred in exhaustion. He rolls himself off Jon’s chest and onto the mattress, away from the soothing fingers.

“Good—” Jon shifts onto his side, propping an arm under his head. “—they broke his nose, so i guess that’s back in its original position.” 

Edd’s eyes crinkle as he laughs at the remark, something that soften the mischievousness in Jon’s.“Good,” he mutters, “That’s good. Is Pyp with him?”

Jon hums —yes _—_ and feels like declaring the conversation is over, throwing his free arm across Edd’s chest as he rolls onto his stomach. He buries his face in Edd’s hair, which still smells of soap.

“We’re not going to be fine, are we,” Edd says to the ceiling more than he does to Jon. There’s no actual question hidden in the words—they won’t be. Jon doesn’t really know how to answer—they won’t be. He hopes they’ll be fine, it’s all he can do.

His hands shake.

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on tumblr [@haertsbane](https://haertsbane.tumblr.com)


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